Define project- your paper is obviously about Elizabeth Lambert and her un-sportsman like conduct during her soccer games. You mostly followed how NYTimes and ESPN followed the story and how they took different approaches.
Some strengths of this paper include following ESPN and NYTimes and seeing how those sources changed their take on the story or how they responded to other sites. You also used some good quotes.
weaknesses- I feel like maybe you could use just a little more detail or explain things just a tad more. I understand basically what you're trying to say, but I think it could be improved by a little more detail.
additional comments-overall a good paper. a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing major. Also, it's an interesting topic, I feel like it grabbed my attention more than something political would have.
Aims: to show how a story gets in the news Methods: story from ESPN and info from rewriting Materials: news, video from YouTube, rewriting, personal experience Key passages: When you open up a newspaper, you probably never wonder what process occurred to turn some certain event into an article in that paper. But behind the scenes, a lot must happen to make that story become an article in a paper. I like to compare it to a production line in a factory; imagine the process of making bottled water. Just as normal tap water goes in and comes out as pure bottled water, the idea of a story goes in, then after a chain of events; it comes out as printed text. Good intro, stats what you are trying to do and gives an simple example After I watched, I was amazed at how violent this girl was and I figured this would not be the last time I heard about this story. That same day, The New York Times posted a small article from The Associated Press on their website. Personal experiences/thoughts are always good I think the most interesting part of this whole process is the different take that each different site has on the story. This is good but you need to talk more on this point but just like most, this story will soon die off and be forgotten about. But this just shows how simple highlights of a game get turned into a large news story and then, by forwarding and countering, it turns into a huge debate of sexism in women’s sports. Good conclusion , condenses the aspects of the paper and reminds the reader about what was in the paper (should probably be divided into 2 sentences) Strengths: easy to understand, accomplishes the aim, gives good personal experience/thoughts, and (I don’t know because I don’t watch sports) the paper in mainly about a story with people have probably heard about which makes it easier to follow and gives it a greater credibility to them Weaknesses: I didn’t see many quotes and I think that you could elaborate a little more on some areas like the second paragraph, give a little more background on the story for those who haven’t heard of it, and maybe talk a little more about why some people consider the story to be sexist.
Define project- your paper is obviously about Elizabeth Lambert and her un-sportsman like conduct during her soccer games. You mostly followed how NYTimes and ESPN followed the story and how they took different approaches.
ReplyDeleteSome strengths of this paper include following ESPN and NYTimes and seeing how those sources changed their take on the story or how they responded to other sites. You also used some good quotes.
weaknesses- I feel like maybe you could use just a little more detail or explain things just a tad more. I understand basically what you're trying to say, but I think it could be improved by a little more detail.
additional comments-overall a good paper. a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing major. Also, it's an interesting topic, I feel like it grabbed my attention more than something political would have.
Aims: to show how a story gets in the news
ReplyDeleteMethods: story from ESPN and info from rewriting
Materials: news, video from YouTube, rewriting, personal experience
Key passages:
When you open up a newspaper, you probably never wonder what process occurred to turn some certain event into an article in that paper. But behind the scenes, a lot must happen to make that story become an article in a paper. I like to compare it to a production line in a factory; imagine the process of making bottled water. Just as normal tap water goes in and comes out as pure bottled water, the idea of a story goes in, then after a chain of events; it comes out as printed text.
Good intro, stats what you are trying to do and gives an simple example
After I watched, I was amazed at how violent this girl was and I figured this would not be the last time I heard about this story. That same day, The New York Times posted a small article from The Associated Press on their website.
Personal experiences/thoughts are always good
I think the most interesting part of this whole process is the different take that each different site has on the story.
This is good but you need to talk more on this point
but just like most, this story will soon die off and be forgotten about. But this just shows how simple highlights of a game get turned into a large news story and then, by forwarding and countering, it turns into a huge debate of sexism in women’s sports.
Good conclusion , condenses the aspects of the paper and reminds the reader about what was in the paper (should probably be divided into 2 sentences)
Strengths: easy to understand, accomplishes the aim, gives good personal experience/thoughts, and (I don’t know because I don’t watch sports) the paper in mainly about a story with people have probably heard about which makes it easier to follow and gives it a greater credibility to them
Weaknesses: I didn’t see many quotes and I think that you could elaborate a little more on some areas like the second paragraph, give a little more background on the story for those who haven’t heard of it, and maybe talk a little more about why some people consider the story to be sexist.